Honeydicked by Chase Private Client: No sympathy for the Churner

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Motherf**kers at Bank One Bear Stearns Washington Mutual JP Morgan Chase Manhattan Bank totally honeydicked me! Can you believe a multinational banking conglomerate would use such questionable tactics to get people to open new accounts? I thought I met some cool bros that we could hang and play hacky sack with, but it turns out they just wanted my money and to open new accounts. 🙁  If you can’t trust a giant faceless bank who was a main character in Hollywood movies, then who can you really trust any more?

only for cool kids

only for cool kids who don’t churn

When Chase Sapphire Preferred hit the streets with 3x on travel, gas, and dining a month ago I was bummed because I knew about 5/24 and I would have zero chance in getting the CSR. However the smooth talking banker and his even better looking Private Client Banker buddy convinced me that Chase Sapphire Preferred Visa Infinite would be in my hands no problem. They said a fresh deposit of new capital would grant me super duper special consideration for my application. They coxed the fifteen thousand dollars out of me for a $500 bank and checking bonus all under the premise that they could use special relationships to overlook my promiscuous past of having over 5 card partners in the last 24 months.

Like a sucker I handed over the $15,000 with happy thoughts of 3x UR points for  travel, restaurants, and flights in my hand only to get this letter today:

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Sure I was initially unfazed because my new extra cool buddies at Chase (whom I just met for 5 mins and handed over thousands of dollars to) would take care of it. It pretty much ended up right right out the movie the big short. With a chortle they said that that old deal of “calling in one for a bud” no longer exists, and I was just shy of getting that special consideration. They even got another private banker to tell me, even if I was a Private Banker Client with $10 million in assets there would be no special consideration for slutty churners of the likes of myself. I mean 5 credit cars in 2 years? Why you have been all over town racking up bonuses!!! We don’t deal with your kind!messages-image326258594

They thanked me for my money and pushed me out the door. I believe they were counting it and laughing as I walked away. Don’t get suckered in, the golden days of churning are over. There have been past reports of special privileges for these existing client relationships, but count this as a datapoint as even a modest deposit for fifteen thousand dollars won’t help you here. This may be my churning intervention. Maybe its time to quit the Credit Card game and do the direct deposit bank bonus game.

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Best of luck out there!

-Derp

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