Buying a Lifestyle for $300 a year

Take advantage of the misinformation out there! The mystery of a black credit card have been around for years and many companies such as the defunct Visa Black Card (now Black Luxury Card) and The Black Chairman Card from Citigroup have all milked this allure. However the only exclusive “Black Card” is the AmEx Centurion card.

Getting the Centurion AmEx is a pain in the ass. You got to have good credit, then have the AmEx Platinum for years and spend at least $250,000 a year consistently just to get consideration for an invite. Then the card comes with a bunch of perks, but you’re stuck with a $7,500 initiation fee in addition to the $2,500 annual fee from each cardholder. The one main perk that isn’t highlighted is how to pretend like your are some sort of celebrity in da’ club. No one really gives a shit about the back end user benefits of the card, (sorry Brian). Now for a mere $300 towards the Select Card, you can pretend you are a VIP and can impress a whole bunch of $30k Millionaires while drinking in Viagra Triangle.

Same same, but different than the Centurion

When you are paying for your bottle service at the club, you can’t just plop down a plastic Chase Freedom card that has no annual fee. What would your legions of fans think? You don’t want to be know as some sensible basic bitch that just wants 5% cash back. Now you can have the best of both worlds, a baller metal card with sensible cashback (or link it to your secured credit card since your credit probably sucks).

The card seeks out what a lot of replica services had promised; a way to make your boring, father of two, suburban dentist, Citibank CostCo card into a baller looking metal black card. The kind of card that Chinese Billionaires use to buy million dollar tea cups at Sotheby’s Auctions. The greatest benefit of this card is to have the feeling of a black card, but not actually having to work for it. They partnered up with restaurants in LA, Miami, New York, San Fran, and Chicago to be super nice to you, and to give you free stuff when booking through the black card to maintain this VIP illusion. You can finally buy the VIP lifestyle despite not being very important at all.

Why work for VIP status like this dude? Just buy it!

I am a fan of the absurd, and this is simply the most absurd thing in my life right now. I am also looking at the potential maximizing of benefits for my upcoming San Fran and NYC  trip. So, for the sake of Journalism, I went ahead and signed up for the card, since it promised me a life equivalent of that of a “baller” and/or 1980s stock broker.

There is an application (including personal statement) as well as a “committee” to decide on approval of membership. Very ‘select’ive! I was told a decision would take up to two days, but I got an approval in a few hours. They get away with this $300 fee as they are claiming it’s cheaper than the AmEx Centurion, with all of the prestige of having a black piece of metal. I asked for a military discount and was surprised with this response from customer service:

You may enter MILITARYVIP in order for your annual  membership cost to be $200/yr!

Or if you prefer you may use our April promo code SPRINGSPECIAL which will make your membership fee $250/yr plus $100 in credit to be used at SELECT partners.

I went ahead and did the spring special for $250, but with $100 credit. I was given access to the app, and sure enough I had a VIP experience! I decided to use the perk for free champaign and a special free dish while dining at Roka Akor 456 N. Clark Street, Chicago. I booked with the in app concierge a week before my date, and arrived for my reservation. Sure enough we had a special welcome as well as the champaign and a complementary amuse bouche.

I took a photo of our receipt after payment and sent to to the in app concierge. In a week I got $100 credited back to my account! Now I am only down $150 for this silly card. For my Napa Valley trip I searched in the app and found a Balloon ride company via Vimbly that was giving a $50 discount pr person (please use this link for $10 discount on Vimbly). So that was another $100! I am just $50 away from re-coping all of my membership fee. Now I am incentivized to cancel the card at the end of this year because I locked in the $250 annual fee, when I could of locked in $200 with the military discount. Hopefully they have a good retentions department, because my wife will be applying for the next year to get another $100 bonus.

I got the card last night (almost a month after), and sure enough it would easily pass for the AmEx Centurion to idiots. It’s very minimalist and weighs in at 21 grams. When compared to the other cards of my collection, its weight is second only to the Ritz Carlton card. It even heavier than the Centurion which is only 14 g.

The back is mysterious and blank with just a member number. I have to schedule an appointment to have the strip coded with whatever card I want to replicate. Presumably one of my own other cards.

Construction is solid metal with engraving on both the front and back

The card is nice, but it is terribly prone to smudging, I have to have my caddie’s chauffeur wipe it down after each handling cycle.

So there you have it! If you want to check it out please use this link for the Select card. I don’t think its a very good product because it puts you in a situation where you got to spend even more money to save money. However if you value people treating you better because you are extra awesome, then go for it. The metal card is played out anyways, wake me up when a ceramic, depleted uranium, carbon fiber, or solid gold card comes out.

-Derp

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