Approved for CSR: I’ll stop my bitching now

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Like a true Millennial I had to ask my mommy to bail me out of my credit related problems. My problem is not related to being a dumbass and carrying a balance. If not stated already, rule number one of churning is paying off the entire balance every month. If you can’t  do that, then head over to the cult of Dave Ramsey and blame the banks for your lack of self control.

I had to ask mommy to bail me out because she has perfect 800 credit and no new inquiries or new accounts for two years. She is A perfect Chase customer, a non-churner with perfect credit.

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As you know I was denied three times for the CSR due to my love for credit sign up bonuses. I just can’t believe how Chase is shutting down the fun with their 5/24 rule. I even tried to warn others that it was a waste of time to circumvent the rule. Even an avid O-5 reader didn’t believe me and wasted an inquiry on applying for CSR after clearly getting 10 new accounts in the past 24 months. Sorry Sir, but rank has no privlege here.

I tried everything to get in on the 100k UR point action including lending out $15,000 to an evil faceless mega conglomerate. I did the sour grapes mental gymnastics, but eventually I let FOMO catch up to me. I had to go the extreme nuclear option to become an AU to my mom’s account. I had to get in on this 100k, 3x UR, and $300 action.

My parents had instilled in me the responsible use of credit at a young age. My father being a very good reader of the Thursday circular would have the bank new account checking bonuses down. He also had the one Sears Credit card that he would buy everything with for the points. If he could do it for he points he would opt for the card over cash every time. True churning inspiration, and a house full of Craftsmen tools.

They were the ones to tell me charge it, but treat it like a debit card. That money should already be around to pay it. They weren’t so anti-banking or anti-credit card to say don’t even get one, because it is pure evil. This abstaining model is the mindset that paradoxically puts your kids at a disadvantage when they all of a sudden have to establish credit history in their early thirties and have no idea how 16% interest will destroy them.

So here is a grown ass man asking his mom to go into a branch and apply for the card. I felt like I was a kid again. The conversation was amusing when the banker froze and explained slowly and carefully to my mom that she would be hook for any balance.

The best part was the sticker shock my mom got for the $450 annual fee and the $75 AU. I assured her that the $1300 credit would offset this, and another $300 next calendar year would certainly be a nice return of $1600 on a $525 fee. For those keeping track, that is $1075 or a 204% return! If you intend to use the 100k UR points to books through the Chase travel portal its is worth $1,500 plus the $300 credit from this year and next we have $2100 credit on a $525 investment making a sweet 3 times return on money.

I assured my mom I will be the one on the hook for the card, and seemlessly linked it to my checking to pay it off. Chase doesn’t really care who pays the bill, as long as it gets done. Now my mom could just run off with all them sweet UR points, but I just hope she includes me in her family travel plans. Like I good son, I sent her to Europe today using my existing United miles.

The timing of the card could not be more perfect for the annual payment of many professional dues that come around each year. I listed them below as an example, subsitiute your own professional society here. This along with Christmas, Chinese New Year and Channiakah will make the $4,000 minimum spend an easy one to make.

Operative Comp
ADA $522.00 $522.00
AGD $406.00 $406.00
ABGD $125.00
AOD $225.00
CDS $125.00 $125.00 Total Spend
$1,278.00 $1,178.00 $2,456.00

So there you have it, I’m one of the cool kids now! I don’t suggest you become an Otaku loser and hit up your aging parents for the CSR, but certianly this is a way to get in on the action before the year is up.

-Derp

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